Life lately has been intense. I wake up every day at 4am and get ready to lift 400lb couches and boxes for the company i work for. My depression has only bothered me in the mornings when I try to get up, sometimes i cry a little in the shower. But thankfully god gave me a strong mind to give my own body hell and push it to its limits. My credit card bills are almost paid and my family is benefiting somewhat from my income. Me and my boss seem to have settled our differences and I think as long as I don't mess up too much our bond will be solid.
Girls however seem to surprise me I dont understand how a good guy like me with no criminal record and an amazing job cant get a normal girl. For now my job is taking up most of my time so its easy to avoid the subject that also means my posts for now will be less frequent until i can find a more easy going work place environment.
I hope this time my life can start picking up I have had enough of running around getting in trouble with my friends.
So I just read the first half of your blog and I felt compelled to comment and say be happy! …and a lot else… I’m sorry if I’m offering unwanted advice and maybe I’m wasting my time because you know all of what I’m about to say but… you need to stop obsessing over Mia. Face your fears of rejection and approach a girl you don’t know well and ask her about her day. It will probably be awkward but in order to become strong you have to put up with the pain and keep trying. I know that you have the strength and determination because you survived boot camp, something many people cannot do. You also have earned emotional strength through your life because withstanding the turmoil of loneliness builds your mental muscles. I also know that you have the endurance because of your history of exercise; endurance uses many parts of the mind and body. Eventually, I pray, you will find a different girl who makes you happy, understands you (unlike Mia), and who you care about and that magic you felt with Mia will return. It won’t be the same because you aren’t as innocent as you were in your childhood but it will be more meaningful. IF Mia decides that she wants to care about you again, SHE will seek you out, but remember that this is unlikely seeing that she has a child and a man in her life. Remember, before you can love someone again, you have to accept that Mia has moved on, and keep on loving yourself… who wants to love someone who doesn’t love themselves? You are just as good and possibly more loving than every person on this earth. If a girl is right for you, she will pay attention to your interests and the worlds of the both of you will be enriched from being with the other person. Also, don’t worry about how long all of this will take, it could take a decade or a year, you have many years ahead of you to find your passions. I’m sorry if I’m rambling but these are things that I need to get off of my chest because they are things I wish someone would say to me, from the looks of things, you and I have many emotions in common you just probably repress them less. Please read this any time you are depressed, just like I read your blog for a reminder that I am not alone and that you are still going despite your issues.
ReplyDeletewow thanks for that it hit deep.
ReplyDeleteyah the only thing that worries me is time.
Im going to be 21 soon and I seriously feel like this life is going by too fast I wish I could live to 400years but knowing that I only have 50-80 more years of life really scares me I don't want to die alone...