Today I went on a small mental health day with my friends it was great to be out of my room for the day even though the environment was not very pleasing due to the rain the day turned out decent and i came home a bit emotionally disturbed because I was reminded of how all of this enjoyment will end in about a month as my clock ticks away i can only imagine the hell I will facing in boot camp I may not be ready but I am not going to give up on myself i refuse to be the same as everyone around me I don't want a

plain life i want to achieve immortality in the minds of humans across the world.

During my mental heath day with the guys I stumbled upon a book that had a familiar character that I haven't seen since the ninth grade I read the book next to Rumel and reminisced on that horrible year.

I will soon be heading off to pt again I am counting the days in my head and I only wish the days could stop for me but I am sure men across the world already screamed to the heavens to stop time when the world around them was being destroyed I hate the idea that my father is getting old I hope I am the last person he sees before he has his last breath on this earth

again i thought of mia

i wish these memorys would go away

the emotion is killing me inside and i cant get it out

i wish this were all a bad dream and i could wake up 9 years old again

i would have another chance to relive the years I dreamed about her face

in those young years the world was magic to me

now its a nightmare....

Recently I have been heaving trouble accepting that my life as a teen is now gone and that now soon after all these years I wil become an adult I can still remember my mom buying my sweets when I was a small child and the lessons my father has given me it really makes me sad because I know that I an getting closer to my own death as I age and so are they but I am determined to make a difference in this world! not like a small governor but as a ruler! a real country leader rising from the rest of the 6.5 billion people in this world

I want people to remember me as a greap person in history and be known for my deeds I just dont want to simply die of old age I despise ageing I wish I had the power of immortality I would be constantly helping humans all over this earth Sometimes I think I am the only person that thinks like this and it makes me sad

I wish I could meet someone that would want to have a long converation over the meaning of life or why we even exist My mind is strange if you were to feel what i feel see what i see you may go insane and ask yourself what is the point of me living?

thankfully my reson is to change humanity forever

sadly none of this is possible so for now I sit on my chair typing away in my keyboard hoping someone years from now will read this and feel relived they have someone to look to for advice

Today I thought of Mia and how me and her were closer back when we were kids. I always loved the way she would place head over chest when we were siting on the couch we could feel our heart beating side by side and in a way that was my slice of heaven just me and her alone thinking about each other. I always think of her in random moments and I find it sad that now all of that is gone for us.

Today I helped my dad in his construction job it was cool because me and him don't really communicate that much

I go t a new phone it looks like this its cool but its kinda getto but I don't care a phone is just a phone and it does its job perfectly

A couple of days ago i talked to mia's man he was pissed because I was texting her I got mad but what pissed me off was the idea that he was really rude to her sometimes I wish Mia had more sence with the guys she hangs out with its just sad she will never know how much I love her but thats not my problem she will learn that I am one of the best things that happened in her life as for her man im ready to beat him to a pulp if he thinks im going to back down (there are alot of ass holes in this world)

I came back from pt today and I feel tired I threw up 3 times then blacked out on the dirt it was a challenge for me but after watching some youtube videos I realize that basic training will screw me over if i don't keep up so im going to train and drink more water and maybe be more productive for the next round

I keep thinking about this singer and I wonder how life would be like living with her

I get lost in thought when i think of her