Last night I think I blew it with X
I am not sure if what I did was right but at least my mind is clear on new goals
I told her I was falling for her and that she should stop me now if she did not feel the same way
she was undecided but I think she might be scared to lose like I am and if that's the case I will give her time to think about it.

I promised I would not push my luck with her but I failed.
Now that she knows I wont try another stunt like that until much later
I feel like I am on a sky scraper looking down a city with a sword pointed at me
I better make my next words with her more carefully because its a long fall to the ground

lol im such a hopeless bastard :D

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Other than that today was also Black Friday and I bought her a gift
Me and rubi went to the mall at 5am I also bought myself a membership card for a special video game


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Today I lost it I kept thinking I messed up on the date I had with X
I also realized I am now afraid to lose her and I am starting to panic about my current situation with her. My dad once told me that one day I might die from having such love for people because my heart would burst from my body.

Shes different from the rest of the girls she is so kind and awkward with people. When I first got to know her I already wanted her for myself but I held back because I was afraid for her to say no. I don't want to repeat 9th grade again. But I hate the idea of hugging myself wishing there was someone there at night.

I hope she does not think I am weird or keeps me as a friend.
I want her so bad but I run out of things to ask or say to her when I am with her. I just frezze up and say stupid things. its soo sad how easy I fall for almost any girl....
I am in love but I cant get myself to admit it because I am afraid to lose her
But I keep asking myself why me when she can have a much better looking man

my life is at a cross roads again on one side she has the same feelings as me and I do the impossible for her on the other she does not like me back and my cold lonely depression comes back...

SCREW IT ALL! LOL!
BRING IT ON WORLD!

I GONE THROUGH HELL AND BACK ALREADY!
1 GIRL WONT KILL ME NOW!

Today X,rubi and cezar (rubi's romeo)
are going to the movies but me and X are going to chat i guess for 2 hours today she met me at school and we talked for a while it was difficult not starring at her because shes so good looking.

if everything works out fine between me and her I will be really loyal to her it almost seems like shes an angel that fell from the sky

this hole journey after my RSP drills has been really streange for example:
1-the second day I left the army I got a stable job
2-I get approved for a really good platinum credit card in only 1 day
3-I meet X and my life becomes happy again
4-I am going to a collage I can actually afford without financial help!

and this has all happend in about 1month!
if god has ever given me a sign of hope this is it and thanks to him my life is hole again I just hope it lasts

I can finally say my life is happy again.
Dear god i hope this lasts
it has been a while since I had a smile on my face.

I finally met a girl that is different from people like me since I don have permission to use her name I will use the letter X as her name
I still want to know a lot more about her but I wont force a relationship on her since haveing her around me is good enough for me we usually wont stop messaging each other until 2am

I dream about her at night being attacked by piranha sharks and leopards and every time I save her shes gone when I wake up
anyway im heading to work X is waiting.

I have been busy lately because of my job they keep me up until 2am but the only good part about the job is the people I meet and the girls